today my restriction wasn't intended to be so heavy but shit happens and i'm in the shaky stage of hunger and i just have no appetite. this is probably for the best considering i agreed to bake tomorrow with my sister which i'm freaking the fuck out about internally and want to back out of but i know she really wants to and she would be angry with my if i did so, and then i'd feel the urge to tell her the truth but then i just think that even if i did tell someone they wouldn't believe me. i feel like its "not that bad" and because i've eaten in front of her so she wouldn't believe me and then i'd look like i'm making shit up for attention. i'm also worried that if i did want to try to purge after eating anything that i eat that she would hear me since our bathroom door is so thin and idk if i'd be able to do it in my room without her hearing. i'm just tired of seeing food and not being able to eat it but i know its not worth it. i can feel myself getting closer to how i want to look and i don't want to ruin everything i've worked so hard for just for some food that gives me satisfaction for less than a minute. sigh. shit's hard bro.
what i eat in a day | trigger warning | heavy restriction
today my restriction wasn't intended to be so heavy but shit happens and i'm in the shaky stage of hunger and i just have no appetite. this is probably for the best considering i agreed to bake tomorrow with my sister which i'm freaking the fuck out about internally and want to back out of but i know she really wants to and she would be angry with my if i did so, and then i'd feel the urge to tell her the truth but then i just think that even if i did tell someone they wouldn't believe me. i feel like its "not that bad" and because i've eaten in front of her so she wouldn't believe me and then i'd look like i'm making shit up for attention. i'm also worried that if i did want to try to purge after eating anything that i eat that she would hear me since our bathroom door is so thin and idk if i'd be able to do it in my room without her hearing. i'm just tired of seeing food and not being able to eat it but i know its not worth it. i can feel myself getting closer to how i want to look and i don't want to ruin everything i've worked so hard for just for some food that gives me satisfaction for less than a minute. sigh. shit's hard bro.
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